8 Anal Sex Horror Stories That'll Make You Clench Your Bum
Reddit can be a wonderful, wonderful place but a recent thread calling for users' horror sex stories has us gagging FOR DAYS.
We've picked some of the best but, be warned. Some of these are so. not. pretty.
1. “Three Time’s The Charm” - Unknown
"So back in 2009, a friend of mine had met a girl at a concert at our local college. They talked on Facebook and texted for a while before she finally came over, clearly with the intent of hooking up. After the initial make-out, she put the breaks on and told him that she was a virgin, and wasn’t sure if she was ready to make that “emotional” jump with a guy she barely knew. Hilariously, he was ready to back down right there, until she suggested sticking it in her pooper.
"I guess he figured because she so readily offered her rectum to him that she was some sort of anal veteran. Unfortunately, she wasn’t. After the initial struggle to even get it in, she asked him to pull out because it hurt, and unceremoniously splattered shit all over his dick. Needless to say, he was freaked out and ran to clean off, while she ran out of his house, humiliated.
"But wait. It gets worse.
"Being the nice guy that he was, my friend assured her that it wasn’t a big deal. They reconciled and she came over a few days later. Predictably, things once again became hot and heavy. He didn’t pressure her to do anything, but she offered him oral sex. Really, it was the least she could do after shitting all over his dick. Unfortunately, it would seem that she wasn’t the most experienced at giving head either, because the first thing she did was attempt to gobble his whole dick. It hit her gag reflex, and she puked all over the poor guy’s pubic region.
"In the piece du resistance, she (naturally) ran out of his house screaming again. He was just weirded out at this point. While he was showering the ickies away, he heard a knock on his door. He opened and saw his lady love with her car halfway down his driveway. She sheepishly asked, “You don’t have a cat, do you?”
"Yes, she ran over his cat. After shitting on his dick and puking all over his balls.
"Awesomely enough, he tried several times after that to call her, but she just totally ignored him. He also took the fall for her killing the cat and told his parents that he did it."
2. “Starting A Lawn Mower” - PRIVATE MAJOR
"My old roommate was at a party and hooking up with a random girl that lived there. When the clothes start coming off, she suggests they use anal beads on her. He’s never used them before, so after putting them in, he rips them out like he’s trying to start a lawn mower. What followed was a fountain of bloody shit flying all over his face, and the wall right behind his head.
"She had to go to the ER (no idea what they would have done for her) and on the wall was an outline of his head. Definitely the most disgusting piece of modern art I’ve ever seen."
3. “No Thank You” - Youngrd
"In high school, while at a friend's house, his brother unexpectedly comes home from college, he’s roughly 22 at the time. He tells us he needs to get something off his chest about the previous weekend. Apparently he was at a bar, made eye contact with a good looking girl and proceeded to talk her up.
"Flash forward several hours and they’re at his house and the girl brings in a bag for their 'sexual adventures' which turn out to be anal beads. She begins by asking him to put them in her, fool around and take them out. Next, she asks him if he wants to try; not being a prude he obliges. However, this is where it gets interesting, apparently having no empathy towards new anal beaders, instead of being gentle she rams ‘em and when he says “oww stop” she proceeds to yank them out hard as ever.
"So my friend's brother shits all over his bed. Instead of apologizing or ending the sexual escapade due to the unhygienic event that had just unravelled she instead falls backward into the excrement and says 'fuck me in the shit'. We never got him to tell us if he humored her or not…"
4. "Pinworms" - ukglv