Girl's Attempt To Poop At Her BF's House Goes Terribly Wrong
When you're new to a relationship, there are plenty of things you're a little slow to get real about.
For most girls, pooping tops that list; everyone has their own technique for trying to get away with number two-ing around a new love until you're a few months in and more comfortable with each other or, at least, you've been away to Bali together and had to share a hotel bathroom.
Which is what makes this poor woman's story so, so awful and so, so relatable.
The terrible tale, anonymously sent in to a magazine, is a car crash from start to finish and we're still not quite dealing with it, really.
She begins: "I had sex for the first time with a cute guy, and he let me sleep in at his place while he went to work. When I woke up, I had to go number two, but after I did, I realised that his toilet was broken and wouldn't flush.
"I didn't want him to see my poop, so I scooped it out and put it in a plastic bag that I found under the sink so I could throw it outside."
Can you see where this is going?
"Before I left, I wrote him a note with my name and number saying thanks for a great night, put it on the kitchen counter and left.
"But right when I closed the door, I realised that I'd forgotten the bag of poop on the counter!
"I was already locked out, so there was nothing I could do but have a panic attack.
"I obviously never heard from him again."