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Man Realises He Has Been Masturbating The Wrong Way

If, like us, you clicked into this story because you legitimately cannot work out how somebody could have been wanking incorrectly their entire life, then welcome.

If you came here thinking you know how to masturbate and you're about to be proven wrong, then we're sorry.

A since-deleted post on Reddit brought with it the most amazing and incredible story we have ever heard; luckily, the good folks over at Lad Bible managed to grab the upload before it disappeared, so that this poor man's tale can live on in internet glory.

Ready?

"This is [a] gigantic f*ck up that has accumulated to the point where I have to untangle the f*ck out of this web," the Reddit user wrote. "I'm a 21-year-old dude that has masturbated in an odd way.

"Like you all know, guys stroke their shaft up and down til they climax. Anyways, the way I do it since I'm uncircumcised is I just rub the skin over the head, kind of like a pinching motion just right the top to achieve amazing orgasms."

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According to this guy's logic, he had grown up in a house in which his parents and siblings would burst into his room unannounced, which made it hard for him to actually masturbate - which is how he discovered this particular technique.

It wasn't until he moved away to go to university and found himself the centre of some female attention that things really, um, came to a head.

"[One night] a girl decided she was taking me home," the post continued. "We were fooling on the bus and once we got to her place, all clothes immediately fell off and I was ready to lose my virginity.

"I could literally feel the rush of euphoria through my veins knowing that this place is so f*cking awesome.

"As I was pushing... into her, I felt this HUGE amount of pain. I had no idea what the f*ck it was, but I tried again and it happened AGAIN. Lost my erection immediately after that and I proceeded to do my walk of shame back home."

So what was the issue, you ask? Let the Redditor explain.

"What I found was my foreskin has never been pulled back. Like, ever," he said. "So the head was SUPER f*cking sensitive.

"And since I've been masturbating by pinching the foreskin head, I can't cum from just stroking it up and down."

Have you ever heard such a sorry state of affairs?

Poor guy.

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