What We Missed On The Bachelor Tonight!
Everyone’s guilty pleasure, the Bachelor and this time it stars Richie as our heartthrob.
Tonight, I sat down and penned my thoughts about what was happening as loads of girls swoon over a man who has muscles for days.
I’m a guy.
This is what I thought while watching the Bachelor, eating a burrito.
1. Is it really season 4? How many hours have we spent laughing at ridiculous dates? Can someone let me know?
2. The mansion looks like somewhere you would go and get offered a happy ending.
4. He can swim. So can I. I could be the
5. Pocket square count. 2 so far.
6.Have his cheekbones become more defined since the last season?
8. I’m a close family unit with my bed and food.
9. That six pack he has. Is my dream body. Instead, I have flab.
10. Someone call me if they find flab hot. I am free.
11. Megan is obsessed with water. If that's your personality highlight, you are gone.
12. None. She’s from Bali and designs swimwear, she also likes water, clearly.
13. OK SHE LOVES BACON.
14. We are married, she’s mine now.
15. Marsha is a yoga teacher. Bore.
18. FAIRYS AINT REAL JANEY.
19. UberEats order update. Arriving in 15.
20. Georgia is an artist and feels at peace with art. I fall asleep at art. She can keep herself busy.
22. Are Richie and Osher in the same suit?!
23. Nope, Osher’s is way nicer.
24. Richie wants a co-pilot. Didn’t know he could fly planes. What a triple threat.
25. His palms are sweaty. Knees weak?
26. UberEats order status: Food has left the restaurant.
29. Megan already pulling out the ‘forever’ card. Three words in.
30. Her earrings are long.
31. WE GET IT YOU BOTH LIKE WATER.
32. She said he smelt good but the reports say he smells bad. Who do we believe?
33. Janey is a child. I can’t even. Like can we just think about how she goes about her daily
34. If this is a miracle, then I don’t want to see a real miracle.
35. She’s gone way too deep, way too quickly.
36. Lost a shoe deliberately. I am done. Get her gone, quickly.
37. Nat. Nah. Georgia, good lipstick. Tiffany,
39. It seems very sharp in certain angles.
40. She called herself Lady Eliza. She called him, sir. Who is
41. OH GOD A SONG.
42. SAVE YOURSELF.
43. SHE CAN’T SING.
44. NOPEITY NOPEITY.
45 STOP TWIRLING.
47. OK. Holy hell. Alex is just
48. Alex has
49. OK. Holy hell. Alex is
50. He loves every single
51. I think I hate like chins and like teeth. That’s what I have learnt tonight.
52. Keira loves herself sick. She thinks she has great style but nothing she is wearing is amazing.
53. If she asked me ‘’
54. She ended the introduction. Awks.
55. Surprise, all the girls think he’s cute.
56. Eliza is singing again. It’s so out of tune, it hurts my head.
57. Does anyone have any panadol?
59. She has sworn twice. She’s my kind of girl.
60. Make that three times.
61. She’s into teeth too. Killing it for me.
62. The music really sets the
63. She’s way too skinny. Do you even eat?
64. Speaking in a foreign language is hot as.
65. All in and they pretty much hate each other already.
66. Losing their minds over
67. Few months? I am going on holiday in September, guys.
68. Can someone fill in for me in September?
69. The white rose is back and it’s all based on first impressions. Count one-shoe lady out. Annoying as. 70. Get the white rose, get a date on night one.
71. Described as ‘’exclusive access’’. It seriously sounds like the VIP part of a crappy bar you go to when you are 18.
72. Do they get drink cards?
73. Raising glasses and all I see is people trying not to look drunk.
74. ‘’Your accent is so cute’’… he’s just Aussie.
75. Bacon girl has taken him off within seconds and held his hand.
76. She’s a bitch.
77. Janey think she’s in a fairytale but the problem is if I hear her say fairytale one more time, I will have to smash my TV.
78. Here we go, someone is going in to break up the date.
79. It’s over-the-top sparkly dress girl.
80. It wasn’t even smooth.
81. Another is going into break-up the dress because she doesn’t want the other to win.
82. They know a winner isn’t chosen in week one, yeah?
83. I have had to get a beer to deal with the amount of attention one man is getting.
84. They are all legit from the movie Mean Girls.
85. How do they all have such good posture?
86. I bet they all have stand-up desks at work.
87. Alex has dropped the bombshell about kids and Faith interrupts.
88. OMG, so much drama. Drama, drama, drama.
89. Apparently, these girls have no class.
90. Coming from a girl who is clearly so drunk and shouting.
91. The number of interruptions is making just want to turn the TV off.
92. Keira is playing this like she has won the game already.
93. OK ELIZA NEEDS TO STOP SINGING.
94. Eliza is getting people to plank.
95. How have so many people take this up?
96. I would walk out. I could hold that for 3 seconds.
98. This is the first time I have noticed how drunk they all actually get.
99. I love
100. Just keep swearing. Forever. Just keep going. Swearing is hot.
101. Janey the dreamer is back and still hasn't
102. Perfectly timed, here comes Richie with her shoe.
103. Now she can walk again. Wow.
106. Did he just
107. Imagine being Megan right now, she has killed it. (Red rose given).
108. Rose ceremony here we come!
109. 16 roses is a lot to
110. 3 are going home.
111. Sweary better stay.
112. I bet sweary and princess
113. I may cry.
114. VINTAEAEAEAEA or however it is spelt.
115. WHAT IS SHE DOING?
116. He bloody gave her a rose.
118. Sasha ate her rose. What she really needs is Nuggets like everyone when they are drunk.
119. I have misplaced all my alliances here.
120. And we done.
121. Solid hustle.
The Bachelor continues on Channel 10 tomorrow evening at 7:30 PM.